Funny Golf Quotes | Quotsagram

The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

Golf is like marbles for adults.

Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the "gimme Putt", you might wish to reconsider this game.

Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour.

It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. ~Hank Aaron

Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up having to pray a lot.

If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockle-burs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot.

He can take his game to Europe, Africa, Asia or wherever he wants and the world will follow.

If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

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Funny and Humorous Golf Quotes | Quotsagram

The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. -George Deukmejian

I'm hitting the woods just great, but I'm having a terrible time getting out of them.

Golf is like marriage; If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive .

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane; here's a valuable tip, your life is in trouble.

While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. -Henny Youngman

There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. -Ben Hogan

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. -Brian Weis

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. -Jack Benny

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced. -Lee Trevino

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. -Lord Robertson

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. -Lee Trevino

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

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Funny Golf Quotes | Quotsagram

Golf is our favorite course.

There are more things to life than Golf... But I ignore them.

Happiness is a long walk with a putter. -Greg Norman

Cooking is like golf. You slice it, chip it and put it on some greens.

Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey

If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. -Jack Lemmon

I didn't miss the putt. I made the putt. The ball missed the hole. -Peter Jacobsen

Golf combines two American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. -P.J O'Rourke

If it goes right, it's a slice. If it goes left, it's a hook. If it goes straight, it's a miracle.

To find a man's true character, play golf with him. -P.G Wodehouse

Saying golf is just a game is like saying an astronaut is just a pilot.

Golfing the way I do takes lots of balls.

Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls.

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more two balls.

Born to golf but forced to work.

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

My golf game is getting better. I miss the hole nearer now.

Golf balls are like eggs.. They are white. They are sold by the dozen. And a week later you have to buy more. -anonymous

I stay cool on the course. I hit the woods for the shade, then the pond to cool off.

It's an easy game, Just hard to play.

They named it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken.

Don’t play too much golf.  Two rounds a day are plenty. -Harry Vardon

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