| Golf is our favorite course. |
| There are more things to life than Golf... But I ignore them. |
| Happiness is a long walk with a putter. -Greg Norman |
| Cooking is like golf. You slice it, chip it and put it on some greens. |
| Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey |
| If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. -Jack Lemmon |
| I didn't miss the putt. I made the putt. The ball missed the hole. -Peter Jacobsen |
| Golf combines two American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. -P.J O'Rourke |
| If it goes right, it's a slice. If it goes left, it's a hook. If it goes straight, it's a miracle. |
| To find a man's true character, play golf with him. -P.G Wodehouse |
| Saying golf is just a game is like saying an astronaut is just a pilot. |
| Golfing the way I do takes lots of balls. |
| Golf is harder than baseball. In golf, you have to play your foul balls. |
| When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more two balls. |
| Born to golf but forced to work. |
| Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles. |
| My golf game is getting better. I miss the hole nearer now. |
| Golf balls are like eggs.. They are white. They are sold by the dozen. And a week later you have to buy more. -anonymous |
| I stay cool on the course. I hit the woods for the shade, then the pond to cool off. |
| It's an easy game, Just hard to play. |
| They named it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken. |
| Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. -Harry Vardon |
Showing posts with label Funny Lines. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny Lines. Show all posts
Thursday, 1 November 2018
Wednesday, 24 October 2018
Homer Simpson Quotes | Quotsagram
| My beer! You never had a chance to become my urine! |
| I’ve gone back in time to when dinosaurs weren’t just confined to zoos. |
| Well, I’m tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler! |
| Throw them away? Are you mad woman? You never know when an old calendar may come in handy. Sure it’s not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow might bring? |
| Stupid risks are what make life worth living. |
| Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. |
| You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try. |
| The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a beer bottle, they’re on TV. |
| Don’t worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep… in a giant blender. |
| Bart! With $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like… love! |
| Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me! |
| I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back. |
| I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. (1) Cover for me (2) Oh, good idea Boss! (3) It was like that when I got here. |
| You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. |
| What is a wedding? Webster’s Dictionary defines a wedding as ‘The process of removing weeds from one’s garden. |
| The sun? That’s the hottest place on Earth. |
| Nobody gets into heaven without a glowstick. |
| I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman! |
Tuesday, 2 October 2018
Funny Drinking Quotes Collection | Quotsagram
| Alcoholic friends are as easy to make as Sea Monkeys. -Dry (Augusten Burroughs) |
| Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy. -Frank Sinatra |
| When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -Henry Youngman |
| Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. -Dave Barry |
| I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. -Joe E. Lewis |
| Work is the curse of the drinking classes. -Oscar Wilde |
| I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on. -Oscar Levant |
| Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat; it makes you lean… against bars, tables, chairs, and poles. -Unknown |
| It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth. -George Burns |
| If you drink, don’t park; accidents cause people. |
| Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I’m thirsty, not dirty. -Joe E. Lewis |
| I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been overserved. -George Gobel |
| I got so wasted one night I waited for the stop sign to change, and it did. -Steve Krabitz |
| Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol. -N.F. Simpson |
Monday, 24 September 2018
Funny Memes Quotes Lines Collection (Page 3) | Quotsagram
| 8000+ sports to play but still people choose feelings |
| You can't drink all day...If you don't start in the morning. |
| I told myself that I should stop drinking. But I'm not about to listen to a drunk that talks to himself. |
| The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers. |
| I feel like water solves all problems.Wanna lose weight?drink water.tired of your man?drown him. |
| Sometimes I question my sanity, but the unicorn in the kitchen told me I'm fine. |
| When you try your hardest not to be a f**ker, but everyone you deal with is a f**ker,so you end up being a bigger fucker just to outf**k the f**kers. |
| You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo. |
| Me after death: slams gates of hell open, takes off shoes, high fives Satan. "I'm home.what's the fucking WiFi password? |
| Is google a "boy" or a "girl"? obviously a girl, because it won't let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas. |
| Most people write "congrats" because they don't know the spelling of "congrajulashions" |
| Think about it: every single corpse on Mt.Everest was once a highly motivated person. Stay lazy my friends. |
| After clipping my toddler's fingernails for over 2 years, I think I could diffuse a bomb while riding a roller coaster. |
| Teacher:where's your book?student:at home teacher:and what is it doing there? student:having more fun than me. |
| 3:00 am phone call: hey are you asleep?.......No. I'm skydiving... |
Thursday, 20 September 2018
Funny Memes, Quotes and Lines Collection (Page1) | Quotsagram
| If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. |
| My heart has no room for you but the trunk of my car definitely does. |
| BE STRONG.. I whispered to my WiFi signal.. |
| Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. the road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision. |
| My boss told me to have a good day.. So I went home. |
| Every thing I like is either expensive, illegal, or won't text me back. |
| Life is a d**k sometimes it gets hard for no reason. |
| I can't afford a vacation. So I am just going to drink until I don't know where I am. |
| It's okay if you disagree with me. I can't force you to be right. |
| Why are Iphone chargers not called apple juice? |
| If you are riding a donkey and someone throws rocks at you and you fall..Would that mean you were stoned off your ass. |
| Never trust an atom they make up everything.. |
| If forty is the new thirty, and fifty is the new forty, why can't Thursday be the new Friday.. |
| The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant. |
| Lazy people fact #35463098210. You were too lazy to read that number. |
| Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understand the other person is a complete idiot. |
| I hate math..But I love counting money. |
| Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop. -Gertrude Stein |
| I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water I'd drink it. |
| A woman has two problems: Nothing to wear. No room for all the clothes. |
| The word phonetically doesn't even start with an 'f'. Shit like this is why aliens fly straight past us |
Friday, 14 September 2018
Funny Memes Quotes Sayings Collection (Page 2) | Quotsagram
| Interviewer: so tell me about yourself. Me: I'd rather not.. Kinda want this job. |
| The last time I saw you, I was hoping it was the last time I saw you. |
| Never hint to a printer that you're in a rush. Those bastards smell fear. |
| I take super hot showers to practice burning in hell. |
| It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits... |
| That awkward moment between birth and death. |
| Heart: yeah you should tell him. brain: don't fucking do it. Alcohol: Sent,lol |
| You are not drunk until you have to grab onto the grass to keep from falling off the earth. |
| There is no such thing as an automatic door.. just gentleman ninjas. |
| Doctor: Do you suffer from arthritis? Patient: Do you know anyone who enjoys it. |
| Intelligence is like underwear. It's important that you have it, but there is no need to show it off. |
| If you are going away with your kids, its not a vacation, its a change in location. |
| Airplanes have now banned tweezers. I think anyone who can hijack a plane with tweezers deserves the plane. |
| Zombies eat brains. you are safe. |
| If a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every six months |
| Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Walmart but only four registers will be open |
| Askhole: a person who constantly asks for your advice, but always does the opposite of what you tell them. |
| A group of kids is called a migraine. |
| Cleaning house while the kids are home, is like shoveling snow while its still snowing. |
| Fun fact: Alcohol increases the size of the SEND button by 89 percent. |
| What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either. |
