Homer Simpson Quotes | Quotsagram

My beer! You never had a chance to become my urine!

I’ve gone back in time to when dinosaurs weren’t just confined to zoos.

Well, I’m tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!

Throw them away? Are you mad woman? You never know when an old calendar may come in handy. Sure it’s not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow might bring?

Stupid risks are what make life worth living.

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.

The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a beer bottle, they’re on TV.

Don’t worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep… in a giant blender.

Bart! With $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like… love!

Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!

I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back.

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. (1) Cover for me (2) Oh, good idea Boss! (3) It was like that when I got here.

You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.

What is a wedding? Webster’s Dictionary defines a wedding as ‘The process of removing weeds from one’s garden.

The sun? That’s the hottest place on Earth.

Nobody gets into heaven without a glowstick.

I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me Superman!